Lovin' My Job!

I walked into the bathroom to help the kiddos brush their teeth and I couldn't help but notice how amazing those kids are!

Jaeda is so beautiful and she is getting to be so BIG!  Cael has such a fun smile and he is so cute when he makes up his own songs!  Elijah says "hole you peas" which translates to "hold you please" and even though he is clingy, he sure makes me feel loved.

I love being a mother!  Sure, it takes a couple of months and a few emotional breakdowns to get used to, but man is it worth it!!!

Experience Has Taught Me

Looking back at the last two years, I am amazed at how much my life has changed!  I am happier, stronger, and closer to my Heavenly Father than I had ever been before.

I was recently asked, "If I didn't think the church was true could you explain to me how it is without telling me to read the book and pray about it?"

I had so many memories flood into my mind (just from the last 2 years) when I realized that it all came down to this; aside from constant confirmation from the Holy Ghost that the Church of Jesus Christ is the true church, actually living the principles of the gospel and witnessing the blessings that come from doing so leave no room for doubt - the gospel is true.

I know tithing stories like mine are cliche, but I can't tell you how many times I faithfully paid my tithing while wondering how other bills or necessary purchases were going to be taken care of when all of a sudden a check came in the mail that was just enough to help us break even.

I can't tell you how many times I prayed asking for help, then received the guidance I needed by being prompted to read an article, talk to the bishop, confide in a friend, etc...

I have been comforted, strengthened, forgiven, healed, guided, loved, and so much more.  Experience accompanied by confirmation from the Holy Ghost has taught me - the gospel is true!!!

...just so you know ;-)

Stress, Stress, Stress

As you can tell from the title of my post, I have been quite stressed lately.  Maybe my pregnant brain is blowing things out of proportion, but it feels like life has been especially challenging lately.

What's been going on:

Cael has asthma which mostly makes itself known at night keeping me from sleeping ....A LOT!

School has been throwing all sorts of surprises my way!  Unexpected due dates, professors assigning the wrong reading and not telling us til the day before the exam that we need to read a whole different section of our text book, finals being mailed in and getting lost somewhere along the way making it so I have to do my final all over again.

Church:  I have been given the calling I have dreaded the most.  Teaching in RS.  I have also been asked to speak in a few weeks and on top of that, Cael throws terrible fits when I leave him at nursery.  I thought we were over this at Moran Prairie, but then we moved and Cael decided he just couldn't live without me again.

Pregnancy:  This pregnancy has been the most painful I have every experienced.  Every little move I make makes me want to break down into tears because I hurt so bad.  One day I tried walking down the stairs and the pain was so overwhelming I fell to my knees and couldn't move for a few minutes.  It has not been fun.  Due to the pain and lack of sleep I have been having a hard time being the house wife, mother, and employee that I need to be.


So yes, I have been very stressed.  Fortunately for me, one my current courses is Stress Management.  I have actually learned a lot and I've been able to apply a lot of what I have learned to my own life including time management, budgeting, now meditation.  I have also learned that I need to be more assertive and I need to learn how to ask for help.

I have been very fortunate to work with Sora Smith.  She has been so great at the music school and so willing to cover for me when I am not feeling well.  I have also been very fortunate to have a loving husband who does so much to help relieve my stress by helping with Cael at night, taking on extra cleaning duties, satisfying my pregnancy cravings, etc...  Even Jaeda has been trying to help out.  Just yesterday she heard me complaining about how sore my whole body was.  She ran over, took off my socks, and started massaging my feet, haha.

I love my family and my friends, and I am so grateful for the help that has been given to me to help make my life easier and less stressful.

Thanks for the support everyone!!

Curse My Face!

So I ran out of Votre Vu a month or so ago and decided to be frugal by purchasing a less expensive skin care system.

First l I told Ryan of my idea.  He was so nice, he surprised me by buying a system for me on his way home from work.  I love it when he does stuff like this, but he bought the Neutrogena system.  It looked legit with its cleanser, moisturizer, and acne control lotion, but I started using it and my face has never been in such bad shape!

I really don't want to spent $100 on skin care products - does anyone have any suggestions for affordable skin care products?  Because I am going crazy and I don't want to waste anymore money on something that won't work.

Any and all help would be appreciated :-)

I'm a weirdo

I have been shy my entire life.  About a year and a half ago I realized how lonely I was because I didn't have any friends...

I made a goal - I was going to do everything I could to get over my shyness.  I was going to go to RS activities, I was going to invite people over more often, I was going to sit with people instead of waiting for people to sit with me, I was going to try and strike a conversation instead of waiting for someone to come and talk to me, I was going to make friends!

It's been a long year.  I've made a few good friends.  I found a friend I can tell almost anything to, and I found a few friends who I'm not afraid call because I want to do something (hey! Wanna hang out?).  Really....this comes out to 2-3 people. 

I've met a lot of people.  We exchange a friendly "hey, how are you?" as we pass eachother in the halls, but everytime I try and talk to them I feel like the most awkward person in the world.  I get the impression that they wish I never approached them in the first place and that they really don't want to have anything to do with me.

We've had A LOT of new people move in to the area.  I was like "this is great!  Lots of new people to meet!"

In the last week, I approached as many new people as I could (not at the same time).  I started talking to them and it was really weird because they wouldn't look at me when I was talking to them, and the second they saw someone they knew, t hey just walked away.  I'd say hi and they'd smile and turn their heads.  I'd sit with them and they'd get up and leave - then I'd sit with someone else and they wouldn't say anything to me....

Is there something wrong with me?  Am I a huge jerk or something and don't even realize it?  Do I smell bad?  Am I just so ridiculously awkward to talk to because I don't know how to socialize after being shy for 23 years?  I don't get it. 

Making friends is really hard - and really depressing sometimes. 

At first I am so proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone, then the next second I'm wondering why I even bother in the first place because it's actually hurting my self-esteem.

I've even thought, "well, at least my visiting teachers have to be my friends" but guess what, I haven't been visit taught in about 2 years :-/ 

I think I'm just down because this last year has been one of the hardest years I've ever experienced.  You always hear about how everyone needs their own support system for times like these, and I have found one friend who has been very supportive and helpful, but I always worry that I'm laying too much on her and that I spend too much time whining about life than having fun because I get so excited that I have someone to talk to about those things I can't just tell anyone. 

Anyway, I realize I just sound like a whiney baby right now so I will stop.

I'm extremely grateful for the friends and family I do have that are there for me.  I think I'd be totally lost with out all of the love and support that they give me.

Best Husband...EVER

So - Ryan has been super awesome the last few weeks!  Let me explain:

So two weeks ago I was feeling pretty crappy - I had some kind of infection and needed to take antibiotics for a week.  The antibiotics made me feel pretty crappy.  During that time of not feeling well, Ryan tried to work from home every day that he could so that he could take care of the kids allowing me to sleep in.  He stayed on top of all of the cleaning and made dinner almost every night!  He made runs to the store for me when I thought I needed something salty to keep me from being so dizzy or when I thought I needed something like gatorade because that is what I drink when I'm sick (don't get the wrong idea...I'm so totally NOT pregnant).

Last week, the week after I was sick, I expected that the awesomeness would go away because I wasn't sick anymore - I was wrong.  Ryan brought home treats for me, I would come home from work and the whole apartment would be clean, he bought me a dozen roses one night and another night he brought home some lilies for me.

On Saturday night I said "can you take me out on a date after I get home from work."  He said yes and I expected a quick dinner and that was it - but I got home from work and he planned a babysitter, he took me out to eat, he took me to a movie, and when we got home he had little gifts hidden for me (home decor items)!  Totally exceeded my expectations.

I love my husband so much - and I am so thankful that he is willing to take care of me and fill my days with little thoughtful surprises!

Ryan + Amanda

This is more for me than it is for you, but oh well!

Around either the end of October 2005 or the beginning of November 2005, Julie Birch (married to my brother, Aaron Ramos) kept insisting that I write her brother, Ryan - who was on his mission at the time.

I remember thinking "....no way - I'm not writing some total stranger that I have no chance with!"

Well...she kept it up and finally suggested that I at least e-mail him.  I thought...yah, I can do that!  So I did and here is a copy of that first e-mail I sent him:

From: Amanda Ramos
To: "speedbump_83@hotmail.com"
Cc: 
Date: Sun, 13 Nov 2005 21:30:36 -0700
Subject: Hello Elder Birch

Hey Elder Birch!  You don't know me...but your sister, Julie, insisted that I e-mail you, haha.  I wrote you once before...it was a few months after I had moved here to Spokane, Washington and for a seminary activity we each wrote a missionary from our stake...Since I didn't know any of the listed missionaries I randomly picked a name and it was yours.  You probably don't remember that though.  My name is Amanda Ramos.  I'm Julie's sister-in-law (she married my brother, Aaron).  But enough of that...so how are you liking Finland??  What is is like there?? Do you find it easy or difficult to teach the gospel?  I have never been to, or had any friends who have been to Finland.  How long did it take you to get used to the language??  I've been trying to learn spanish my whole life and I'm not even close to being fluent! Haha.  Well, I don't want to waste too much of your time.  I hope you have an excellent rest of the mission and hope to meet you when you return.  Have a go0d rest of the day!

Amanda

Nothing too exciting - just the beginning of Ryan and me :-)

Unfortunately I do not have copies of any of Ryan's responses :-(  I stopped using the e-mail address for a few years so it froze my account and deleted EVERYTHING :-(

Anyway - Ryan wrote back.  We e-mailed each other back and forth until he returned to Spokane from his mission in Finland.  I was excited and nervous to meet him.  I'm pretty sure he didn't think much of it...I think I remember him saying that I sounded like your average teenage girl (.....which, I don't think was an accurate description of who I really was, haha).

Anyway, so I'm not entirely sure, but I think we met on January 4th (I think I remember mutual being on the same night that I met him...and I'm pretty sure I met him at the very beginning of January).  Pretty much, I ignored him the entire time we were hanging out.  Why?  I have no idea!!  I'm pretty sure I didn't leave any kind of impression on him...other than I'm a weirdo for emailing him for the last 2 months of his mission and then totally ignoring him when we finally meet.  Yah...I'm lame.

So....sometime after we met and I made myself look like an idiot in front of Ryan - I emailed him and made something up like "I didn't realize that it was you..." ...something like that.  It was my lame attempt at getting a 2nd chance.  We emailed back and forth a few times and then on January 26, 2006 he asked me out on our first date!

We had our first date on January 27, 2006.  It was a double date with Julie and Aaron.  What I knew at the time was that Julie was really the person who set this up... she had actually been updating me on her plans for when it would happen and what would happen.  What I didn't know at the time was that Ryan REALLY REALLY REALLY did NOT want to go on a date with me...but Julie made him :-/   Good thing though, because we actually had a good time! 

Journal Entry from January 27, 2006

Today was my date with Ryan :-)  I had soooo much fun!  I can honestly say that it was the best date I've ever been on!  I was very comfortable with him.  Every other date I've been on I've felt really uncomfortable being there - but not this time.  I hope he has as much fun as I did.  I really hope we can do something together again.

(details about date - funny conversations - pizza at Rocky Rococo's - Games at Aaron and Julie's - Watched Red Eye and Aaron and Julie's - Ryan kept dropping popcorn out of his mouth :-b  - also he put his arm around me during the movie)

After all of that fun stuff we went to a YSA Dance...talk about awkward!  I was still a senior in high school...definitely not where I was supposed to be, haha.  We danced a few times - had fun.  He took me home - we talked about hanging out again and then he gave me a hug.

So that was our first date - I'm so glad I didn't screw it up :-b

I remember being impatient with how long it was taking Ryan to call/mail me - so I sent him an email asking about a bookstore he had mentioned on our date.  My plan worked - he called me to tell me where the bookstore was and then he asked me out on a second date (which took place on February 4th 2006)....This is when we first held hands :-)  This is also when he found out that I was NOT 18....I don't know why he thought I was 18....but apparently if he knew that before, he would have never asked me out.  So...guess it is a good thing he didn't know I was 17 until he liked me :-)

Ryan and I went on a lot of dates, and while we were dating, Julie did her very best to keep us running in to each other.  She used to clean Dr. Crump's office so she would ask me to help - then ask him to help if I was going to be there, and when she knew when he was coming - she would have me clean the front doors so that I would be there to let him in when he got there.  She's so silly...and smart!  

We used to run into each other on Wednesday nights.  It turns out that Ryan would go early to play basketball in hopes that he would see me when I was finished with YW's.....kinda stalkerish...and cute at the same time.  

On February 9th, 2006 he kissed me for the first time...on the cheek.  This was also the same night I was afraid he'd kiss me on the lips so I spent a lot of the night looking at my feet hoping he would NOT kiss me, haha.... which is funny because I was totally ok with being kissed on the lips the next day!...which is what happened!

February 12, 2006 is when we decided we were a couple.

February 18, 2006 is when Ryan first told me that he loved me.

February 24, 2006 is when I first told Ryan that I loved him.

April 11, 2006 is when we told our families we were going to get married.

April 18 is when Ryan officially proposed!

I remember it catching me totally by surprise!  I was in such a bad mood because I had failed the written test to get my permit.  He took me to our spot....which....is some gated neighborhood off of Glenrose.  It is on the top of a hill and you can see Spokane and the Valley from there.  So pretty at night!  Anyway, we went to our spot - he played "Better Together" by Jack Johnson and we danced.  After we danced he said the view was so beautiful that night he just had to get a picture!  He went to the car to "get his camera" - came back and stood by me.  I thought he was going to ask me to move forward so he could get a good picture, but instead he opened a ring box and asked me to marry him!  YaY!  Obviously I said yes.  

August 4,  2006 we got married in the Spokane Temple!  Sometimes I tell people we got married on the 5th...but that is just because I'm crazy...and because we originally planned on getting married on the 5th but changed our minds.....

I don't know why I felt the need to write all of this out - but I'm glad I did.  I love Ryan so much!  I love our little family that we have created, and I can't wait to see what the future will bring!